


Dark Side of Me

by MissErikaCourt



Category: Coheed and Cambria (Band), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Character Death, F/M, I hope you have tissues, Mourning, Songfic, Technology, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 17:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12964698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissErikaCourt/pseuds/MissErikaCourt
Summary: AU. The walled society has created neural implants in order to minimize casualties during missions. The AI that comes along with that implant is called Allmother. Her job is to keep the soldiers safe, but when she malfunctions on an expedition, Levi has to take matters into his own hands.





	Dark Side of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I can't make any excuses for myself. This is a fic based off of the song Dark Side of Me by Coheed and Cambria. The lyrics bolded within the story to add to the overall effect. I've also linked the official music video for the song if you'd like to listen to it yourself. This is also a relatively long one-shot because I have no self-control. I would say happy reading but, well, this is not a happy story. Hopefully, you enjoy this terribly depressing piece of literature anyway. Haha
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KEkhORyu-0 Dark Side of Me by Coheed and Cambria

**In those discouraging days**

**I always missed the mark**

**When we were comfort and close**

**I would neglect to keep**

**You safe and unexposed**

**A portrait of time repeats**

**This moment I replaced**

**With an empty wish to give**

**I give**

**I gave**

 

Somehow, Levi and his squad had been separated, all except for Petra who was still flying through the thick forest with him. Allmother's squad tracking capabilities had been interrupted somehow, although he didn't know why.

It wasn't his job to make sure the fucking neural implant was functioning correctly. That was Hanji and Armin. Except they _had_ checked the implants before the expedition and they _were_ working. Before the mission. Before they left the walls. Alone. Just Levi and his squad. That was all the Commander thought was needed. _In order to further cut down on the loss of human life_. He'd said that when he assigned Levi the expedition, but Levi knew it was simply because Commander Erwin Smith knew that Levi's squad could handle themselves.

So, when Levi looked behind him and saw that Petra was, in fact, the only member of his squad competent enough to keep up with him without squad tracking, he wondered why he'd picked them all in the first place.

He rolled his eyes, heaving a heavy sigh and grappling up to a high enough branch so that they could stop and assess the situation safely. Allmother had been quiet, quieter than she normally was. He didn't like the eerie feeling it gave him as Petra came to a stop on the branch beside him.

“Heichou, why are we stopping? Shouldn't we try to find the others?” Petra asked, her voice still somewhat cheery despite the situation. He always admired her for that. God knows _he_ didn't have the capability for that.

He suddenly found himself wishing that Allmother hadn't completely phased out the flares that they used to use when they went on expeditions. At least with a flare, he could locate his squad mates if they got high enough up in the trees. Now he was just stuck with a useless piece of tracking technology in the wilderness with no other way to make sure they were all safe. Luckily he'd set a rendezvous point. The old tourist hot-spot that sat at the front of the forest. They would make their way there.

“Let's go to the rendezvous point. They should be competent enough to find their way back there, at least.” He said in a clipped tone. The thought that his squad couldn't just keep track of him without relying on technology anymore made him a little sick to his stomach.

“Yes, Heichou.” Petra smiled. She _smiled_. At a time like this. His heart did a little flip that he wasn't quite comfortable with before he began the trek back toward the rendezvous point.

Instead of flying behind him now, Petra was at his side. He liked it better that way. He could keep an eye on her there. Because, regardless of his clear obligation, as her Captain, to protect her, he found himself more worried about her than nearly anyone else in the squad. He felt an overwhelming urge to keep her safe. Always. He hoped it wasn't some weird, subconscious, alpha male thing that made him want to keep the only female in his squad safe. He didn't think that's what it was, though. It felt like _more_.

It felt like _she_ believed it was more.

He had told himself that he shouldn't get involved with her. He had a duty to her as her Captain not to put any strain on their professional relationship. He just couldn't help it. Of course, he could restrain himself. Push down his feelings and store them away in the confines of his mind. He'd done it plenty of times before. He could do it with her too.

 

_Titan threat detected. One hundred meters, south-southeast. Number of targets: 5. Prepare for contact._

 

Allmother's strangely soothing and calm voice rang through both of their heads simultaneously, alerting them to the threat lying directly ahead of them. Levi had always thought the AI's voice was far too placid for the job she'd been given, but it always caught his attention.

“Petra, stay close. We need to fight them together or we'll be in trouble. Five titans is a lot for the two of us.” He glanced over at Petra to see that her smile had turned into a scowl. She always got that little scowl when she was focused. He had tried not to notice it but failed miserably.

“Yes, Heichou!” She said. Her voice was soft. It kind of reminded him of Allmother's voice, the way her words ebbed and flowed and rolled through her pretty, pink lips so perfectly. Her voice was soothing to him, like a balm to the anxiety that was an expedition outside the walls.

He shook those thoughts from his mind as the first titan came into view. Only a three-meter class, perfectly manageable except for the six-meter class looming behind it.

“Take the three-meter, Petra.” Levi ordered. He didn't wait for a response, he didn't even know if she had one. Normally she acted without hesitation, and he didn't expect anything less. He was also well aware that he had assigned her the less dangerous task yet again. He wondered how many more times he could do it without her noticing.

He swung through the trees and took out the six-meter class with practiced ease, swooping back and perching on the side of one of the enormous trees to scan for Petra. He found her just as she dispatched the three-meter, but two other titans emerged immediately, charging toward Petra with ferocity.

Levi acted as quickly as he could. He dove down from his perch and drew the titan's attention, keeping them away from her while she recovered. A ten-meter class and a four-meter class. Perfectly manageable for him, but Petra would have struggled.

He could barely hear Allmother's voice in the back of his mind as he fought, although he couldn't decipher what she was saying. He cursed himself for not focusing on her enough, but he would have time after he was done with these two lumbering oafs. The four meter went down first, then the ten, and when his wits came back to him he realized what Allmother had been saying.

 

_Intelligence detected. Immediate threat to squad member: Petra Ral. Immediate assistance required. North-North-East. Immediate assistance required. Threat level: dire._

 

His eyes went wide as his head whipped around looking for Petra. He was panicked, he knew it, and he tried to calm his breathing as he searched the landscape. He caught sight of a titan that hadn't been there before. The fifth titan. The intelligent one. A mop of blonde hair hung down around the beast's face as Petra zipped around it. The titan had a hand covering its nape. It wouldn't be an easy kill.

They'd been out for a while. He knew Petra would be low on gas at this point, especially with how much she was having to move to dodge the intelligent titan's attacks. She swooped around and struck at the hand that covered the titan's nape, but it only resulted in broken blades. They were moving further and further away from Levi as they fought, Petra following the titan into the forest as she tried to take it out. He wanted to call out to her, but his voice was caught in his throat, so he just moved. He moved and he hoped he wouldn't be too late to help her.

He felt as though he was moving in slow motion as he watched the battle rage on. Allmother's voice echoing in his head as he willed himself to move faster. He tucked in his limbs, making himself smaller as Petra swooped down. Why was she going down? Why would she put herself in such a vulnerable position? _Faster. Move faster!_

 

 _Threat level: Critical. Immediate threat to squad member: Petra Ral_.

 

Allmother's voice wouldn't leave him alone. Petra was zipping quickly along the ground, not quickly enough. The titan noticed how low she was. It looked at her, keeping a hand on its nape as it moved, and then Levi's heart stopped. The titan lunged forward, Petra couldn't pull up quick enough. Levi couldn't get to her quick enough. Levi couldn't save her, and the titan's foot crashed down on Petra, smashing her against a tree like a bug. Levi winced and then he felt it. That familiar rage that he'd felt on his very first expedition. His first expedition when they hadn't had Allmother or any of the other technologies that made life outside of the walls easier. And yet, even though Allmother was supposed to keep casualties to a minimum, she couldn’t stop this one.

Levi sped toward the titan with reckless abandon, readying his swords, finally finding his voice and screaming as he hurdled toward it. He knew that his blades wouldn't do anything against the hand pinned to its nape. _He knew_ but he couldn't stop himself from trying. His blades broke and he brandished new ones, slicing down the titan's body in an awful attempt to do some kind of damage to it, but it was for nothing. The titan didn't seem fazed, except for the fact that it seemed a little frightened that he was the one attacking it.

The titan swung its free arm at Levi and he dodged it expertly, if not a bit sloppily. His emotions were getting the better of him. He knew that if he kept chasing this titan he would likely end up dead, just like Petra. So he pulled back, and the titan ran further into the woods, never looking back at him.

 

_Squad member: Petra Ral critical condition. Immediate medical care required. Heart rate: 23 beats per minute. Blood pressure: 70 systolic, 30 diastolic. Chance of survival: 10%._

 

Levi didn't think he had ever moved faster as long as he'd been alive. He barreled toward the spot where he'd last seen Petra, her body leaning against a tree at a sickening angle, her back arched and broken, her eyes staring straight up at the canopy of the large trees above her. He could hear the gurgling sounds of Petra trying to breathe even before he landed. 'Landed' was perhaps the wrong word. He tumbled onto the ground, rolling away from her a bit before he scrambled back to his feet and ran over to her. He knelt beside her, knowing that she probably had no idea he was there. She was alive, but she was suffering.

One more look at her told him that her back was undoubtedly broken. He knew that she had probably lost all feeling in her body, but her struggle to breathe was making him feel weak. He had to do something, _anything_ to keep her from suffering like this.

He looked at the sword in his hand, a grim reminder that he hadn't been good enough to save her. He hadn't been fast enough. His blades hadn't been sharp enough. He couldn't keep her safe.

He saw her eyes slide over to him, all the light in them was gone. All he could see there now was pain. The gurgling in her throat hadn't stopped. Allmother's voice was still droning in his head. He knew that Petra could hear it too. Probably the worst part of Allmother was that she would tell you when you were inevitably going to die.

 

_Chance of survival: 2%_

 

He cringed at the statistic, visibly flinching at the impact of the words that echoed through his mind. He was watching her die. Watching her suffer and struggle for air. There was only one thing he could do for her. He drew a shaking breath, watching the light that filtered through the canopy of the forest glint off of his blade. He saw a tear stream down Petra's face and knew there was a matching one sliding down his.

 

_Chance of survival: 1%_

 

Levi couldn't look at her when he did it, but he knew she'd closed her eyes when the blade plunged into her back, into her heart, and stopped her suffering. He dropped it. Completely unaware of his surroundings. Completely unaware of anything but Petra's blood on his blade and her lifeless body arched sickeningly against the tree.

He was only vaguely aware of someone's hand on his shoulder as he stared at Petra, shaking him back to the real world. He blinked and looked up at Oluo and knew that it was time to go.

 

**I gave my everything**

**For all the wrong things**

**In this cold reality**

**I made this selfish war machine**

**Oh this has become hell**

**How can I share this life with someone else?**

**I promise you**

**There is no weight that can bury us**

**Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

 

**Now in your absence I wade**

**Through the coursing, lonely, lost**

**And in this tragic dismay**

**I never could believe what I became**

 

The moment they got back was a blur. He couldn't comprehend the questions he was being asked. He couldn't figure out what the shapes around him were. People. Buildings. They all just moved past him, as if he were on a conveyer belt that moved the scenery around him while he stayed in place. He wasn't in charge of his own movements anymore. He couldn't control where he went. It was only worse when he saw Petra's father.

His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. He couldn't. Not like this. He couldn't talk to this man and tell him how valiantly his daughter fought. He couldn't tell him that her body was in the wagon a little further back in the party because he still couldn't accept that as fact himself. The last part of the mission was a blur. A horrible scene that played over and over again in his mind until it had wrung every last tear out of Levi's eyes.

“Captain Levi! I'm glad to see that your squad made it back safely.” Petra's father said as he fell in line with Levi, walking briskly beside him. Levi stared at the cobblestones.

“Petra always has good things to say about you. I'm her father, by the way.” The man was happy, too happy for this moment. He didn't know yet. Levi couldn't blame him for being this way. He also couldn't be the one to tell him.

“I know it's a little early to talk about marriage, but I want Petra to settle down with someone that will take care of her. Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Please take care of yourself, Captain.” The man bowed out and walked into the crowd. Levi was glad he wouldn't have to be there when the wagon rolled by.

 

**I gave my everything**

**For all the wrong things**

**In this cold reality I made**

**This welcomed war machine**

**Oh this has become hell**

**How can I share this life with someone else?**

**I promise you**

**There is no weight that can bury us**

**Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

 

**I couldn't give you what you needed**

**It's all my fault**

**Too coward to believe I lost it all**

 

His room was quiet. Dark. Not what he needed, but the only thing he felt he deserved. He didn't think he _deserved_ the luxury of drowning his sorrows in the bottle of scotch on his table either, but he jumped at the chance anyway. If he could drink enough, maybe the pain would go away.

It had been like this for a week. Erwin didn't send him on any more missions. He didn't leave his room. His other squadmates came back to make sure he was still alive, but Levi could barely classify himself among the living at this point. He surely didn't _deserve_ to be among the living.

He exhaled a shaking breath as he poured another glass. He still hadn't managed to get the images of Petra out of his head. He'd tried. He'd consumed so much alcohol that he couldn't hold himself up in his chair. Still, he couldn't forget. He couldn't stop hearing Allmother's voice in his head. He couldn't sweep away the images of Petra. He couldn't shake the crushing self-loathing for not being able to keep her safe. He couldn't deny that he'd lost everything that he'd ever wanted in the blink of an eye.

He downed his drink and let himself collapse on the table for the third night that week.

 

**I gave my everything**

**For all the wrong things**

**In this cold reality I made**

**This selfish war machine**

**Oh this has become hell**

**How can I share this life with someone else?**

**I promise you**

**There is no weight that can bury us**

**Beneath the ghosts of all my guilt**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

**Here in the dark side of me**

 

The words that Allmother spoke to him while his squadmates dragged him out of the forest that day, the words he knew his squad mates could hear all too well in their own minds, still haunted him with every passing day.

 

_You have fought to withdraw from a location which has incited severe, quantifiable pain. You nearly terminated the mission. Nearly terminated your life. Yet you desire to set a course back to it. I am not equipped to comprehend human rationale. Levi, is this what love is?_

 

He could still hear his mumbled response as Eld helped him walk out of the forest. He could still feel every emotion from that day vividly as he gave Allmother the answer she was expecting.

“Yes.”


End file.
